


Four Funerals and a Wedding

by kisahawklin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Author's Favorite, Community: sga_santa, Episode Related, Episode: s04e20 The Last Man, M/M, Time Travel, sga_santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-17
Updated: 2008-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-13 16:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story follows Lorne after Sheppard goes missing in The Last Man (Episode 4.20).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Funerals and a Wedding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [let_fate_decide](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=let_fate_decide).



Evan sighed as he watched Sheppard jog back through the gate. He turned to the three marines with him, pointing to the nearest. "All right, Welliver, you’re with me. Shah, Feliciano, you’re on gate duty. We’ll check in on the hour."

Waiting for the Genii contact wasn’t the most boring guard duty ever, but it came pretty close. He and Welliver traded off their best made-up firearm names for the gun/not gun game they foisted on the scientists when their smug superiority about prime/not prime got to be too much.

Halgar showed up forty minutes late, unapologetic and angry-looking. "The Genii did not sanction the attack on your people," he announced as he entered the clearing.

"Okay," Evan said, though he didn’t believe the guy, not at all. "Then why did they have Genii uniforms, guns, and radios?"

Halgar bristled. "There were a number of men with Kolya, and we have not yet caught them all." A good lie. Credible-sounding, impossible to disprove.

"Colonel Sheppard wants to talk to you," Evan said, clicking his radio on. "Shah, dial Atlantis. Tell Colonel Sheppard Halgar’s here."

_"Yes, sir."_

"I’m not armed," Halgar said, looking pointedly at Welliver’s raised gun.

Evan hadn’t raised his gun when Halgar came into the clearing, but he wasn’t going to tell Welliver to put his down, either. "That’s nice," Evan said.

_"Major Lorne, sir?"_

"Yes?"

_"Sir, Colonel Sheppard never made it to Atlantis."_

"What did you do to the gate?" Evan asked, training his P90 on Halgar.

"Nothing!" Halgar said, raising his hands placatingly. "We do not toy with the Ancestor’s circles as your people do. Perhaps he keyed it incorrectly."

"I watched him dial," Evan said, circling behind Halgar and shoving him in the back with his P90. "You’ll need to come with us."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The moment he stepped into the gate room, McKay was at his side, asking questions. "You saw him dial?"

"Yes."

"The whole address?"

"Everything but the last couple of numbers."

"Yes, because _those_ aren’t important. This isn’t horseshoes, Major!"

"McKay," Evan warned, and McKay took an apologetic half-step back and gathered his thoughts for a precious few seconds, long enough for Evan to tell Feliciano to escort the prisoner to the brig.

"Okay, so that’s a couple hundred addresses tops. We can narrow that down and search them in a couple of hours, right?"

"McKay," Evan started, but McKay’d been on Sheppard’s team long enough to fill in the blanks, and his face fell.

"Oh god, it’s not. If he had misdialed, he would have just turned around and dialed home! He was attacked, or walked himself right out into space or something!"

"Or dialed a planet with a broken DHD," Evan said. The white lie was worth it to see McKay’s shoulders come down a little.

"Yes, yes, of course," McKay said, and before Evan could excuse himself to debrief Carter, McKay added, "I’ll get Ronon and we’ll be ready to go in ten."

"We have to interrogate the prisoner, McKay. If this wasn’t an accident–"

"Fine," Rodney interrupted, glancing up at the balcony. "We can do both at once, right Sam?"

"No, Rodney," Colonel Carter answered, and no disrespect to Dr. Weir, but Evan sure was glad a civilian wasn't in charge of Atlantis any more. "We’ll interrogate him first; I can’t risk sending teams on a wild goose chase – not if the Genii have booby-trapped the gates."

"Me and Ronon, then," McKay insisted, and Evan’s heart went out to the guy. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost a teammate, much less two of them. "We can start gate-hopping. We can take a jumper–"

"No, Rodney," the colonel answered, "and that’s final."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan couldn’t shake McKay or Ronon for the next several hours. Ronon stalked outside the brig as Evan interrogated Halgar, and McKay called him on the radio every few minutes offering another idea about what might have happened or to ask whether they could check on the addresses yet. After McKay’s third call, Evan took off his radio and signaled Gunderson to keep an ear on it in case McKay actually said something important.

Evan hoped Colonel Carter was getting further with Ladon than he was with Halgar. Two hours of interrogation so far and he had nothing.

"Let me in there with him," Ronon said, and Evan was dying to, but he knew better.

"I don't think he knows anything," Evan said, smiling in the face of Ronon’s glare. "Let's go check on McKay."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

McKay had been busy, dialing all the possible address combinations, and Evan knew he had only gotten away with _that_ because Colonel Carter was with Ladon in the conference room and couldn't see him bullying Chuck.

He had narrowed it down to twelve addresses, a short list on his laptop, curled protectively to his chest. He was geared up, complete with P90 and sidearm.

Colonel Carter came out of the conference room with Ladon, and Evan had to move quickly to get between Ronon and the Genii. Luckily, a pissed off Ronon was a mostly silent Ronon, so he glowered but didn't speak. He didn't need to; Ladon got the message loud and clear.

"We will be in touch as soon as we have any information about Colonel Sheppard or Teyla Emmagen," he said, bowing slightly. "Halgar can stay as our good faith offering."

It chafed that he was so willing to leave one of his people behind. Evan couldn't decide if Colonel Carter was that tough a negotiator or Ladon felt guilty about something.

"Sam, we gotta go," McKay said plaintively, and Evan sliced a glance his way. He looked like he was barely holding on. When Colonel Carter looked to him for confirmation, Evan nodded gravely.

"All right," Colonel Carter said. "Major Lorne, Lieutenant Shah. With Dr. McKay and Ronon, please."

"Jumper bay, ten minutes," Evan confirmed, and hit the locker room.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three of the gates were space gates. Evan took his time turning around and dialing out, giving McKay long enough to sweep for the life signs they both knew weren’t going to be there.

Two of the gates were on planets with poisonous atmospheres. Evan moved a little quicker on those.

Four gates on planets with no evidence of any civilization. It made Evan wonder, when the Ancients seeded the Pegasus galaxy, whether they kept an eye on their colonies at all.

Trawling these planets was more difficult. Sheppard had only been gone a few hours; if he was just hanging out on one of these planets, waiting to be rescued, they would have picked up on his transmitter by now. McKay refused to be rushed, though, so they flew out several miles and circled the gate, looking for life signs. One of the planets had been home to a runner fairly recently – there was a campsite that looked pretty new. It wasn't until Ronon confirmed that it wasn’t Sheppard before they could drag McKay away from that one.

The three inhabited planets had taken the longest. They were friendly with the Botrani who even helped by organizing search parties and combing the woods between the town and the gate.

One of the two cultures they hadn’t come in contact with was overtly friendly and understanding when they explained what they had come for. They didn’t help, but they let the team search in peace.

The last planet just had to be the one with natives that were suspicious and mean. Some kind of projectile weapon was thrown at the jumper and Evan was never gladder for the cloak as he pulled up and away from the people. There was a small settlement half a mile from the gate, but it was heavily guarded, and Evan wasn’t about to set down and traipse into a potentially dangerous first contact situation with a keyed-up McKay and Ronon.

They did a sweep for outliers and McKay confirmed that Sheppard’s transmitter signal wasn’t coming from the planet. Evan made the executive decision to return home and let a fresh, less-invested team come back to try first contact.

"Major, we have to try to get in there. If Sheppard dialed this planet, he’s probably in a holding cell of some sort. We can break him out if I can just locate him."

"It’s been nineteen hours, McKay. We need to rest, and we need to try diplomacy on these guys. Let Carter send Dr. Sing to them. She’ll have them wrapped around her little finger in no time."

"But–"

"No buts, McKay. We’re heading back to Atlantis."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Evan parked the jumper, he was surprised to see Zelenka waiting for them in the bay. He watched them patiently as they stumbled off the ramp, thrusting a tablet into McKay’s hands as soon as he was near enough. "Here is all the information I could get from M4S-587."

McKay’s eyes lit up and Evan groaned inwardly. He didn’t have the authority to order McKay to sleep, but he really wished he did. "I’m sure if there was anything obvious he would have told you already."

McKay sneered at him. "Maybe it’s only obvious to a genius."

Zelenka rolled his eyes. "There is nothing obvious or not obvious, I have been over the data a hundred times already."

McKay turned his sneer on Zelenka. "If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take my superior intellect and go over it one more time." He clutched the tablet to his chest and bolted out of the jumper bay.

Evan looked up at Ronon, who was looking after McKay thoughtfully. "He needs to sleep," Evan said, and Ronon shifted his gaze to Evan.

"We’ll sleep when Sheppard’s back."

Evan wondered how long they had gone without sleep after Teyla was taken. Probably a lot longer than nineteen hours. He sighed.

"He needs food," Ronon said, heading out of the jumper bay.

"I will get it," Zelenka said, scurrying along next to Ronon.

Evan shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes. He could keep the military running while Sheppard was gone, but he was never going to be able to control Ronon. He hoped Sheppard got back before it became a problem.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SGA3 ran a mission to the hostile planet and ended up in jail; Evan took his team in and broke them out. He hadn't really expected Colonel Sheppard to be there, but it was cold comfort to be right, especially when McKay stopped speaking to him and holed up in his lab for days at a time.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**Take One**

Twelve days after Colonel Sheppard disappeared, Dr. Zelenka came to visit him in his office. He'd never had a civilian in his office before - it must have shown because Zelenka approached cautiously.

"Major Lorne," he said, and _damn_ , Evan hated conversations that started with his rank. "I need your help."

Evan opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Zelenka didn't seem to notice.

"You see, Colonel Sheppard... how can I put this delicately..." Zelenka sank down in the chair in front of Evan's desk. "The colonel _babysat_ Rodney."

Evan chuckled at the image, but when he thought about how often Colonel Sheppard spent time with McKay, it made sense. They were together for most meals, and movie nights, not to mention senior staff meetings and missions. "And you need my help with...?" Evan prompted.

"Babysitting," Zelenka answered. "He is terrible to work with when he's simply arrogant. When he's exhausted and hungry he is impossible. He has been sleeping in the labs."

"Ronon," Evan started, but Zelenka waved the thought away with a curt, McKay-like gesture.

"Ronon does not feel that Rodney needs a babysitter. I believe he thinks Rodney should stay chained to the lab until he finds out what happened to the colonel."

"You've talked to him already?" Evan asked. He had been hoping they'd take care of each other, since they were all the team they had left.

"In a way, yes. I believe he is proud of Rodney's persistence."

Evan nodded thoughtfully. "I don't know that McKay will listen to me."

"I think he will," Zelenka said simply.

Evan nodded. He could do this.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"No."

"McKay."

"I said, _no_."

Evan took a deep breath and blew it out noisily. "McKay, you're not doing Sheppard any good by killing yourself."

McKay tilted his chin up and crossed his arms. "It's my turn, Major. I have to save Sheppard, and I won't leave here until I do."

"McKay," Evan said, trying to imagine what it would be like if he lost Parrish or Shah or Donaldson. He took another deep breath. "Sheppard would want you to sleep."

"How do you know?" McKay shouted, his arms going wide. "Maybe he's in trouble or lost, cursing my name like he did when he was stuck in the time-dilation field."

" _McKay_ ," Evan said, and put a hand on his arm. That was more than he wanted to know, he didn't want to see the threads that ran through this team so deeply. "Don't. You need sleep. Zelenka said you're making mistakes."

"Oh, _Zelenka_ said? Now we're trusting the second-rate physicist?"

"Hey," Evan said, but it was watching water coming to a boil. McKay was going to keep going until his anger was spent.

"I am the only one who can figure this out, because that's what I _do_. Sheppard is out there somewhere, counting on me to come get him. I shouldn't even be talking to you. Every second I waste-"

"McKay!" Evan interrupted, at the end of his rope. "I'm escorting you to your quarters now, and you are going to sleep."

McKay scoffed. "And if I don't go?"

"Then I'm coming back with a couple of Marines, Dr. Keller, and some sedatives."

McKay's eyes went wide, and Evan could see him trying to work out whether or not it was a bluff. Finally McKay's shoulders sagged and he nodded, closing the lids on the three laptops on his desk. He stopped to put a post-it note on each and wrote in big block letters, _TOUCH AND YOU WILL DRAW BACK A BLOODY STUMP._

Evan followed McKay through the halls and into his quarters, surprisingly neat considering how messy his lab was. He let the door close behind them and McKay turned on him in surprise.

"Are you going to watch me sleep?" McKay asked, though he didn't sound nearly as abrasive as Evan expected.

"It's that or station Marines outside," Evan answered evenly, and wandered over sit on McKay's desk.

"Hmph," McKay said, falling face first onto the bed. His breathing slowed almost immediately. "You're more like Sheppard than you know," he said breathily, and Evan settled in, waiting for McKay's soft snores.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Over the next two weeks, Evan and Zelenka worked out a code so Evan knew when to bring something to eat, coerce McKay to sleep, or just get him the hell out of the lab. He really needed an alarming amount of supervision.

Evan sat in on the senior staff meetings, ignoring the uncomfortable looks thrown his way by the two remaining members of Sheppard's team. This was his fourth report with nothing on Sheppard or Teyla, and Ronon's glare would have made him nervous if he didn't think he deserved it.

After hearing the report, Colonel Carter sighed and looked around the table. "We have the word from SGC. Colonel Sheppard is being listed as KIA."

The wave of nausea took Evan by surprise, and he closed his eyes momentarily to pull himself together. When he opened them again, he saw Ronon prowling the room, his face set in a scowl and Rodney staring straight ahead at his computer. Evan wondered if he might have tuned out the meeting and missed the announcement entirely until he said quietly, "I failed."

"Rodney," Colonel Carter said, and _shit_ , Evan thought, McKay looked like he was powering down, closing himself off, all the lights off for the night.

"It's not your fault, Rodney," Colonel Carter continued, putting a light hand on McKay's arm. "At least half of this is political."

"You couldn't hold them off?" McKay asked flatly. "They hated him so much?"

Colonel Carter shook her head. "The memorial service is Earthside in two weeks."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The memorial service was nice, Evan supposed, if a little surreal. Pegasus wasn't like Iraq; Sheppard could still walk through the gate, or be found in some hellhole prison, or come back from ascension. Hell, anything was possible. He couldn't believe the SGC would so easily declare him KIA.

Watching McKay as he passed a hand over the casket, Evan knew he was thinking much the same thing. McKay had never faltered in his belief that Sheppard was still alive. He had started to comb through every mission report and sensor log he could get his hands on when the information Zelenka had pulled from the DHD from M4S-587 yielded nothing.

Evan followed McKay through the viewing line. It was one of the stranger aspects of the service, since the casket was empty and everyone knew it. They walked past the casket and most took a long look at Sheppard’s picture before taking their seats. They all had those portraits done for exactly this sort of thing, and Sheppard hadn’t kept the smirk out of his eyes, even if he had managed to keep a straight face.

Evan waited for McKay, putting his hand as unobtrusively as possible on McKay’s arm when he looked like he was going to touch the picture. Evan had felt the same urge, as if touching Sheppard's image could make him real again.

McKay glanced at him, and Evan felt his face bunch up in sympathy. McKay wore absolutely everything right there in the open, and Evan could see the utter faith that Sheppard was not dead warring with the sorrow that they were all treating him like he was.

Evan firmed his grip on McKay’s arm, guiding him away from the portrait and into one of the uncomfortable folding chairs. Ronon sat on McKay’s other side, looking menacing in the dark suit he had been forced into. He put a hand on McKay’s back, and Evan let go of McKay’s arm, concentrating on ignoring the cold feeling of finality that crept over him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To his complete and utter surprise, Evan hadn't been immediately replaced as acting military commander of Atlantis. He was too young to be promoted, so he assumed it was a temporary situation until they could get all their ducks in a row. That was fine with him, he sure as hell didn't want Sheppard's job. Doing his paperwork was one thing; taking strategic command of Atlantis was another.

He thought of himself as keeping the chair warm for Sheppard; it made things easier on a number of levels, not least of which was babysitting McKay. He was 'Rodney' more often than not now, and Evan had a harder time keeping his distance than he would have guessed, if for no other reason than the man’s dogged determination to find Sheppard and bring him back.

It was three days after Colonel Sheppard's memorial service when Rodney barged into Evan’s weekly security meeting with Colonel Carter. "Sheppard's not dead."

Colonel Carter positively _glowed_. "I knew you'd figure it out, Rodney!"

Rodney beamed at her. "It's in the sensor logs. There was a solar flare when Sheppard dialed the gate. He's time traveling."

Colonel Carter's mouth dropped open, and Evan thought his might have done the same, if it hadn't already _been_ open from giving his report on the marines' hand-to-hand training.

"Do you know when?" the colonel asked, and Rodney looked at her like she was insane.

"I only just found the anomaly," he snapped. "Give me some time, and I should be able to pinpoint it."

"Are you sure?" Evan asked. "I thought the gate wasn't supposed to lock when there was a potentially dangerous solar flare."

Rodney looked at him like he had grown a third head. He knew McKay thought he was stupid. It didn't bother him most of the time; Rodney thought everybody was stupid. "Yes, well." Rodney coughed. "There may have been some trouble from the updates to the operating system."

"Trouble?" Evan asked, leaning forward. "That's one hell of an understatement."

Rodney's whole demeanor changed, and Evan cursed the flippant answer. He should never have let his guard down around McKay. "I'm sorry," Evan said, but the damage had been done. Rodney turned and marched out the door.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was two months to the day when Ladon Radim showed up in Atlantis again. He had reliable intel about one of Michael's facilities, and Colonel Carter released Halgar to him. Evan probably would have forgotten all about Halgar if he hadn't had to schedule the two guards for his 'guest quarters' every week.

It had been two weeks since Rodney figured out what happened to Colonel Sheppard, and Evan continued to play babysitter, but he gave Rodney a bit more distance. Now that he had something concrete to sink his teeth into, he seemed more able to take care of himself.

He was in the gateroom today, though, suited up to go find Teyla with Ronon and the twelve marines Evan had hand-picked for this mission.

When they came back with Teyla's body, Rodney holed himself up in his room for four days and didn't speak to anyone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Teyla's service was beautiful, a funeral pyre worthy of a Viking goddess, and music so stirring Evan felt a quiet sense of peace when the singing stopped.

Ronon gritted his teeth angrily throughout the service, and let out a wail when they lit the pyre that made Evan grimace in sympathy. Rodney sat absolutely still, an eerie cold despair vibrating off him.

There were several people openly crying; Halling and Dr. Keller, as well as Jinto and some of the other children. They threw handfuls of spicy flowers on the pyre as it burned and chanted something Evan didn't need to speak the language to understand.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan had known that Ronon would be impossible to command. He had only stayed in Atlantis for Sheppard, and when Sheppard was gone, it was to find Teyla. It wasn't two days after Teyla's funeral when Colonel Carter informed him Ronon was planning to leave.

Evan agreed to help him with supplies. He would have offered personnel as well, but he didn't think Ronon would take him up on it. Ronon had been training most of the Marines in hand-to-hand and survival skills for years. There wasn't anything they could teach that Ronon couldn't teach better.

Colonel Carter got distracted about the same time. Clearly Evan had underestimated her diplomatic skills when she came back from Earth with the newest Asgard-model ship.

He was pleased to see Rodney assisting Colonel Carter with getting the _Phoenix_ functional. He still worked obsessively on figuring out when Sheppard had been sent, but he seemed to be coming out of his shell, moving on to acceptance.

Meanwhile, Michael spread the Hoffan drug across the entire galaxy. The next eighteen months was a whirlwind of accompanying humanitarian medical efforts, taking over Atlantis while Colonel Carter made her guerilla attacks on Michael's ships, and supporting Ronon's guerilla attacks on Michael's facilities.

Everything fell apart all at once. Colonel Carter blew herself up while taking out three of Michael's hives. Evan evacuated the personnel of the _Phoenix_ as commander of Atlantis, something that would have made him hyperventilate if he’d had the time to think about it. The IOA and SGC hadn't made the time to replace him as military commander of Atlantis; he clung to the hope that they would find _someone_ to replace him as the commander-in-chief of Atlantis before he absolutely lost his mind.

Rodney helped him with a surprising amount of support during his time as interim leader of Atlantis, and in return, he turned a blind eye to the resources he was committing to the search for Sheppard. When Rodney figured out that Sheppard had been sent thousands of years into the future, the requisitions for space and power stopped coming. Dr. Keller had taken an interest in Rodney's welfare, though, so at least Evan was off babysitting duty for a little while.

Ronon blew himself up less than two weeks after Colonel Carter. His ragamuffin band informed Evan that he had sacrificed himself so his people could get out, and Evan let Zelenka go off-world to find the Satedan colony on Manaria and organize a warrior's funeral, complete with funeral games.

Mr. Woolsey arrived in time for Evan to be able to attend. He participated in the hand-to-hand contest and made it to the third round before being knocked out by a Satedan who towered over him. McKay participated in a sharp-shooting competition and made it to quarter-finals, flushed with pride. Dr. Kusanagi entered the swordplay competition and came in a surprising fourth place. Evan hadn't even known she fenced, but he overheard her tell Rodney that she practiced with Ronon as part of her physical training. Atlantis had a good showing, one Evan thought Ronon might be proud of.

The interment was short and solemn, and the only ones who stayed were himself, Rodney, and Halling, as it was considered an insult if the attendees indicated any sort of grief. Parrish, Kusanagi, Keller, Zelenka, and Beckett visited the gravesite the next day to say their goodbyes, and Evan made sure to keep his eyes to himself as he ferried them all home.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mr. Woolsey's arrival signaled the end of Evan's reign not only as commander of Atlantis, but as military commander as well. He didn't mind stepping down, but he was surprised to be reassigned to Colorado, even with the promotion that came entirely too early in his career. He just took his orders, smiled and shook hands with all the brass, and spent a ridiculous amount of money on a noise machine that made the right ocean sounds.

Evan happened to be around for the Daedalus's arrival a couple of months later when McKay and Dr. Keller disembarked. They were holding hands, and Evan certainly hadn't seen that coming, but he was happy for them. They exchanged emails and became irregular pen pals for a while, Rodney complaining about his idiotic underlings and Evan hinting at his more ridiculous missions, which earned him dinner invitations to tell the whole story.

Before he could actually plan a trip to visit Rodney, he was back in the SGC and Dr. Keller was in the infirmary, declining rapidly. Evan stayed with her while Rodney slept; it wasn't often, and it was never for more than a few hours at a time. He told her stories about his new team (good people, all of them, but it was never the same as his team of misfits on Atlantis), and she wheezed through a couple of stories about living with Rodney that Evan forced himself to smile through, even though they made his guts twist.

Jennifer's funeral was in Wisconsin. Evan missed it, having to go out for emergency backup of SG12. He flew out to Vancouver as soon as he got back and helped Rodney pack up his house. Rodney spent the entire time talking about Sheppard, which was nice in that Evan had an easy time following and contributing to the conversation, and heartbreaking in that Evan wanted to be able to help Rodney talk about Jennifer but couldn't come up with the words.

Rodney's sister arrived the day after Evan to help. She took over the organization of the move with a deft hand, and chattered away easily about Jennifer. Rodney occasionally smiled or laughed, and once broke down and started crying. It didn't last long, and he changed the subject back to Sheppard after that. Jeannie was able to chatter on about him too, so the hours rolled along without too many bumps.

The night before Evan left, Rodney pulled out a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of Chopin vodka and they took turns one upping each other's mission stories until they were laughing so hard they were crying. And then they _were_ crying and Rodney was holding on to Evan for dear life, wiping his nose in Evan's t-shirt and mumbling his confession so softly Evan only heard the litany of names, Peter and Brendan and Carson and Elizabeth and Teyla and Ronon and Jennifer and John, _oh god, John_.

Suddenly Rodney was trying to kiss him - no, scratch that, he _was_ kissing him, whispering _John_ softly against his lips. Evan put his hands on Rodney's face and gently pulled away, waiting for Rodney's eyes to focus.

"I'm not John," Evan said softly, and it only took a second for the confusion in Rodney's eyes to resolve itself. The look of horror that followed wasn't unexpected, so when Rodney tried to jerk away, Evan dropped his hands to Rodney's shoulders and tugged him into a hug, holding on until the tension left Rodney's body and he was sobbing quietly on Evan's shoulder.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It took two years for Evan to call Rodney again. He figured near-death by giant rat terrier was one of those things you needed to share with someone who understood. He showed up at Rodney's with a bottle of Glenfiddich and a fresh black t-shirt, and Rodney laughed and let him into his less-than-impressive apartment.

They traded off buying the booze from then on, Rodney usually going with light (the gin was not a fun year) and Evan with dark (cognac was a very interesting drunk for the pair of them). Evan stopped by every six months or so, then every year or so, then after his promotion to full-bird colonel, five years got away from him before he even noticed.

He didn't have much of a life outside the SGC. They tapped him to help train new recruits after he outlasted three teams, just when he was finally getting the hang of not getting too attached to his teammates. That same week he got word that Parrish had been killed by a crazy flying monkey-thing, and without a ZPM and the Daedalus on its way back from Pegasus, there was no way for him to get to Atlantis in time for Parrish's burial-at-sea.

He took two weeks off and spent most of it obliterated on Rodney's couch. He only remembered bits and pieces of it afterward, but Rodney's creaking joints as he bent to cover Evan with a blanket was a highlight.

Evan made General at the ridiculously young age of fifty-one and Rodney sent him a bottle of outlandishly expensive tequila with a note that said, _Have to sample this one without me._

The choppy rhythm of their friendship ground to a halt when Rodney came to visit him at SGC. Evan had been thinking about it for years, ever since he pieced together some of the calculations on the whiteboards littering Rodney's apartment and emailed them to Zelenka for independent confirmation. Zelenka was thrilled; Evan was not.

"General Lorne," Rodney said, and Evan still hated conversations that started with his rank.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Evan asked, playing with his ink blotter idly. "What if you make things worse?"

"How could I possibly make things worse?" Rodney asked, crossing his arms defiantly, then changing his mind and wagging a finger at Evan instead. "Why didn't you get married?"

Evan shook his head, sure he misheard. "Married?"

"Yes, married. Children? You seem like the type, General."

"I never..." The myriad of ways to finish that sentence left him undecided. "I never thought about it."

"I know, Lorne. Can't you feel it? This isn't right. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. If Sheppard had been there, everything would have been different."

Evan hadn't really been sitting on the fence; at the very least, he figured he could pass Rodney off as a harmless old geezer on a last search for his Nobel. His reservations were more for Rodney's sake than Atlantis's, or the timeline in general.

In the end, it was Rodney's quiet, "It's my turn, Lorne," that clinched it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rodney passed away at the ripe old age of seventy-one. Evan had become known at the SGC for bringing home ZPMs. He had done it after Parrish to ensure his ability to travel to Atlantis. He had to call in a favor to go through the gate; they didn't like to send Generals to Pegasus, not since O'Neill's time. He kicked up a minor fuss, and arrived in time to organize Rodney's funeral. He was planning on retiring soon; using up all his favors on Rodney's last wishes seemed strangely appropriate.

He finagled invitations to Atlantis for Jeannie and Madison (it hadn't been particularly difficult, since the SGC had been actively trying to recruit them both for years) and convinced Zelenka to help him find a way to cremate Rodney’s body in Atlantis. He sweet-talked the new commander of Atlantis, a worn-looking Colonel Teldy, to let him borrow a puddlejumper to spread Rodney's ashes.

Flying the jumper was exactly as exhilarating as it used to be, and for a long moment, he couldn't do more than grin and thank Rodney for one last ride. He headed straight up, breaking atmosphere and flying toward the sun, settling his nerves for a moment before setting a course and checking on Jeannie and Madison.

Jeannie sat behind Evan, head in her hands. Madison sat next to him big-eyed and silent, and he knew damn well there was going to be another McKay taking care of Atlantis in the near future.

He let Jeannie release the ashes, and Madison got up long enough to hold her mother's hand as she hit the release button on the outside hatch. The fine spray was visible onscreen, and Evan sighed heavily as he listened to the sound of Jeannie's sobs.

_Godspeed, Rodney._

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**Take Two**

Twelve days after Colonel Sheppard disappeared, Dr. Zelenka came to visit Evan in his office. He'd never had a civilian in his office before - it must have shown because Zelenka approached cautiously.

"Major Lorne," Zelenka said, and _damn_ , Evan hated conversations that started with his rank. "I need your help."

 _"Unscheduled offworld activation,"_ Chuck said on the admin channel, and Evan looked at Zelenka before bolting out of his chair and racing him to the gate room.

"Colonel Sheppard's IDC," Chuck confirmed, and Evan saw McKay booking it in from the labs, the disbelief and the hope easily readable in his face.

Sheppard stumbled through the gate, hands up to let them know he wasn't a threat. Colonel Sheppard knew as well as Evan did that they would have to assume he had been compromised, but Evan knew this was their Sheppard, just from the look of surprised relief on his face.

"Rodney, you’re a genius," Sheppard said, like McKay really needed Sheppard to make his ego any bigger. But McKay stumbled on his acceptance of the compliment, and looked more alive than he had in days, and Evan couldn't help smiling down at him, even if he had been the world's biggest pain in the ass these last couple of weeks.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dr. Keller and Colonel Carter got first crack at Colonel Sheppard, so by the time Evan got into the isolation room for their mutual debrief, the colonel was pacing around the room with barely-restrained irritation. "Colonel," Evan said, standing just inside the doorway.

"Major," Sheppard returned, but didn’t stop pacing. "Hope things weren’t too tough on you in my absence."

"Actually," Evan said flatly, "Dr. Zelenka was in my office, and I think he was about to request I start McKay babysitting duty."

That stopped Colonel Sheppard in his tracks. He turned to face Evan looking blandly amused, but Evan knew better than to take the colonel at face value. "Is that so?"

"Yes sir," Evan answered, deciding against divulging more.

Sheppard resumed pacing, but he looked less like a caged animal. "What else? Did the marines give you any trouble?"

"No sir, no one gave me any trouble. I think most of them knew you’d be coming back soon enough." Sheppard nodded, kept pacing. "I don’t think Ronon was happy about reporting to me."

Sheppard stopped and regarded Evan thoughtfully. "I’m sorry to hear that."

Evan shrugged. "He’s not exactly under military command. He did what I asked, helped with the missions to find you, took care of Dr. McKay off-world."

"I’ll have a talk with him."

"Don’t," Evan said. "He’s only here because of you. He would’ve left soon enough."

Sheppard nodded sadly. "He wasn’t looking after McKay while they were in Atlantis?"

Evan took a deep breath, time enough to get his thoughts together. "In his way. Zelenka said that he thought Ronon was proud of McKay for being so obstinate."

Sheppard smiled grimly and resumed pacing. "Rodney’s work is a little too slow-moving for Ronon."

Evan knew Sheppard had supposedly been transported forty-eight thousand years into the future, but he couldn’t really wrap his head around it. It was like trying to imagine how big a galaxy was. "So, McKay really found a way to get you back here."

The colonel grinned at that, the first unguarded expression Evan had seen since his return. "Yeah," Sheppard answered. Evan was about to start in with questions about the Teyla intel when Sheppard added, "You were the one that let him come back to Atlantis, though."

That surprised a laugh out of Evan. "Really, sir?"

"Yeah," Sheppard said, chuckling. "General Lorne, McKay told me."

The timeline that escaped him earlier snapped into focus at the rank. There was no way that Evan could make General in less than twenty years (not that he really thought he was General material to begin with). McKay would have been pushing seventy when Evan sent him back to Atlantis on a mission to change history. Sheppard smiled at him kindly. "Rodney talked about you like an old friend, Major."

Evan suddenly wished they had thought to provide furniture in the isolation room, because he felt a little off balance. Sheppard was a good boss, a good guy, but they’d never really got on like buddies. He figured it was better that way, especially the last twelve days while he worried for McKay’s sanity. Now Sheppard was looking at him with what might have amounted to affection, because some other him seemed to have bonded with McKay, a situation he found extremely improbable. Sheppard seemed to expect an answer, so Evan simply said, "Yes, sir," and hoped it would be enough.

Sheppard shrugged and took up pacing again.

"We should probably discuss Ms. Emmagen, sir."

"Right," Sheppard said, and they got to work on a plan.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan had nearly forgotten about Colonel Sheppard's time-traveling adventure within a couple of weeks; it was par for the course in Pegasus, and as uncomfortable went, it beat Dr. Keller's being turned into a hive ship by a mile.

When he heard McKay was getting the Pegasus version of Alzheimer's, he went early to say his goodbyes. His grampa had had Alzheimer's, and he wasn't going to go through that again, not even with someone he wasn't that close to.

"Doc," Evan said, standing in McKay's open doorway.

"Major," Rodney said, stepping back to let Evan in. He didn't want to intrude, but he didn't want to give his condolences in the hall, either. He stepped in, staying close to the door.

"I just wanted to bring you this," Evan said, holding out his gift. McKay looked at it in confusion, not even reaching out to take it. Evan set it down on the bedside table.

"Is that some kind of joke?" McKay asked, and Evan frowned.

"Dolls are recommended for people with Alzheimer's. It helps them keep their cognitive functions longer."

"Really?" McKay asked, walking over to the night stand and picking it up. "I didn't know that." He stared at it, idly plucking at the clothes with his fingers.

"My grampa had Alzheimer's," Evan said, wishing he didn't have to do this. He liked having his distance from the scientists, and from McKay in particular. "My gramma got him one."

McKay nodded. "Thank you."

Evan considered offering his hand for a handshake, but that felt too formal, and he wasn't the hugging type, so that was out of the question. He settled for smiling and backing toward the door. "Good luck, doc. I'm rooting for you."

"Wait," McKay said before he could swipe the door open. "Will you..." Evan stopped, but something pulled tight inside him, and the adrenaline from a fight or flight response kicked in, making his heart jump. He waited, part of him hoping McKay wouldn't work up the nerve to finish his sentence.

McKay swallowed and let the hand holding the doll fall to his side. "Will you look after Sheppard?" he asked, and Evan felt his mouth drop open. His initial reaction was _Sheppard doesn't need looking after_ , but he could hardly say that to a McKay who was watching for his reaction far too keenly considering his current predicament.

"I'm taking over for a while, if that's what you mean," Evan said. Colonel Sheppard had already told Evan in his roundabout way that McKay was going to need him pretty heavily while this was going on. Evan had shrugged and said he could handle it. He already did ninety percent of the paperwork, and whatever he couldn't handle (which wasn't too much anymore) could wait.

"It's not," McKay said, and sat down, setting the doll on his lap and dragging his fingers over the home-spun cloth of the Athosian outfit. "He doesn't have many friends," he said, but before he could say more, the door to McKay's quarters opened and Colonel Sheppard nearly knocked Evan over as he barreled into the room.

"Whoa," Sheppard said, backpedaling furiously. He stared at McKay for a moment, hunched over the makeshift Raggedy Andy Evan had commissioned from Jinto's aunt. "Is that a doll?"

"Evan gave it to me," McKay said, smirking, "for my second childhood."

"Now that's mighty thoughtful, Major," Colonel Sheppard said, smiling, but the chill in his voice made Evan take a step back into the entryway, keeping the door from closing.

"Down, Colonel," McKay said, and Sheppard glanced down at him, still smoothing his fingers over the doll's rough clothing. Some of the sharp tension drained from Sheppard as he watched.

"It's supposed to be good for Alzheimer's patients, sir," Evan said, taking another step toward freedom. "If you don't mind, I've got a mission report..."

McKay pinned him with a stare. "Thank you, Major."

Evan swallowed and cleared his throat. "No problem." He nodded at Colonel Sheppard. "Sir."

"Go on," Sheppard said, and Evan snapped a smart about-face and hauled ass out of there.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan tended to ignore things that didn't warrant his attention right at the moment, and Dr. McKay and Colonel Sheppard usually fit into that category, except when his team had to go fish their team out of trouble.

Every once in a while, though, he would think about McKay mentioning that Sheppard didn't have many friends, and he would stop by with a six-pack and drink beer with his superior officer.

Sheppard never drank more than one, and they never shared more than an easy camaraderie, but Evan liked to think that maybe some night he'd luck into being in the right place at the right time. He was lousy at subtlety, so he just kept showing up every couple of weeks, bringing beer.

It wasn't too long after the incident with Daniel Jackson and the Asgard that Sheppard let something slip. Evan half expected it, since Sheppard had shotgunned his first beer, finished up his second and popped the tab on his third before Evan had drunk more than half of one.

"Rodney's a dick," Sheppard said, and Evan wasn't even sure how to answer that, exactly. Normally he would have laughed it off, or made a not-too-condemning agreement, but Sheppard sounded positively morose.

"Uh," Evan said eloquently, and took a long drink.

"Sorry," Sheppard said, "I'm just..." He glanced at Evan and started, as if he was surprised to see him sitting there. "I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his beer.

"Why should you be sorry because McKay's a dick?"

Sheppard laughed, and took another couple of swallows. "He _is_ a dick."

"Yeah," Evan said, settling back into the couch.

"I'm still sorry - I shouldn't have said anything."

"It's okay," Evan said, handing Sheppard another one, "I already knew McKay was a dick."

Sheppard laughed again, tipping up his third beer and finishing it with four long swallows before taking the one Evan was holding out for him.

"He's not, you know," Sheppard said after a few moments, his smile fading as he contemplated the top of his beer can.

"Yeah," Evan answered, because this conversation didn't have anything to do with him or his feelings about McKay, and he wasn't about to give Sheppard any ammo for when he sobered up.

"Really," Sheppard said, shrugging. "He's a good guy."

"I know," Evan said, because he did. He knew McKay saved the day in Atlantis more than anyone, even Colonel Sheppard. Sheppard stared at him for a moment, pursing his lips.

"You don't like him."

"He's fine," Evan said, setting his beer down and playing with the tab. "Good in a tight spot, takes care of his team, works hard. Like you said, he's a good guy."

"You were friends in that other timeline," John said, shaking his head slowly. "Ever wonder why?"

"Not really," Evan said, sloshing his beer in the can. "You ever wonder why he spent his whole life figuring out how to bring you back?"

"All the time," Sheppard said, knocking back beer number four.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan tapped his radio. "Colonel Sheppard."

Sheppard didn't answer, and while that wasn't unheard of, it was pretty uncommon. It wasn't imperative that he settle the dispute between Rogers and Dunham right this instant, but the sooner the better, and he didn't want to do it without Sheppard's input.

"You're both confined to quarters," Evan said, "Dismissed."

 _Fighting over a woman_ , Evan thought as he made his way down to Sheppard's quarters, _way to feed the Neanderthal stereotype._

Sheppard wasn't in his quarters, the gym, or the mess. Evan went to the labs, hoping he wouldn't have to try and track him down running on the east pier or playing with those toy cars in the lower levels.

McKay's lab was deserted, except for Zelenka typing quietly on a laptop. "Major Lorne," he said, looking up worriedly. "Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing urgent," Evan said. "You seen Colonel Sheppard?"

"They're in Rodney's office," Zelenka said.

Evan couldn't help the "Really?" that came out. McKay had an office in the back of the lab but as far as Evan could tell, he never used it. "Thanks."

"No, wait!" Zelenka said, and Evan turned around as the scientist rushed up to him. "I meant they are _in his office_."

"What?" Evan asked, but before Zelenka could answer, the door opened, and Colonel Sheppard stepped out, hair even messier than usual. Then, in what he'd come to think of as the Pegasus galaxy's particular brand of an utterly incomprehensible turn of events, Zelenka grabbed his face and kissed him in front of Colonel Sheppard.

Evan had a moment of wild panic, and shoved Zelenka away, hard, too hard. He fell backwards into one of the lab tables, knocking his head and crumpling to the floor.

"Major!" Sheppard yelled, and Evan snapped to attention. McKay came out of his office, looking utterly disheveled and improbably happy for the half-second before he took in the scene. Evan closed his eyes as the whole situation resolved itself into crystal clear, high definition color.

McKay rushed over to Zelenka and checked him over, nodding at Sheppard, who was standing an uncomfortable three inches from Evan.

"Are you homophobic, Lorne?" Sheppard asked in a low voice.

"No, sir," Evan answered.

"Why did you attack Radek?"

"He surprised me, sir."

Colonel Sheppard stared at Evan and Evan trained his eyes just over Sheppard's shoulder. He just wanted to get this over with and get Zelenka to the infirmary.

"You should have better control over your reactions, Major."

"Yes, sir."

Sheppard sighed and stepped away. Evan looked down briefly to see how Zelenka was doing, but McKay's glower made him jerk his attention back to the colonel.

"Sir, I would like to get Dr. Zelenka to the infirmary."

Colonel Sheppard looked down at McKay and waited for a reaction. McKay nodded.

"Is this going to be a problem, Major Lorne?"

"No, sir," Evan answered, and if the regs hadn't been so goddamn _stupid_ and someone could have just _told_ him about McKay and Sheppard, none of this would have happened. "Can I please take Dr. Zelenka to the infirmary now?"

"Dismissed."

Evan knelt down and scooped Zelenka up, hurrying to the transporter with the heavy weight of Sheppard and McKay's stares on his back.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Zelenka woke up in Evan's arms, right after they stepped out of the transporter. "Good morning, sunshine," Evan said, slowing his pace a little.

Zelenka closed his eyes and groaned. "I feel like I have been hit by a truck."

Evan stopped moving. "That'd be the Lorne express. Sorry, doc."

Zelenka grinned ruefully. "Sorry to have surprised you, Major."

"Apology accepted," Evan said easily. "I'm sorry I shoved you."

"Apology accepted," Zelenka returned, and swung his legs a little. "I think I am able to walk." Evan set him down, leaving an arm on his shoulders for support. "My head pounds, though," Zelenka said, and Evan flushed. It had been an unlucky fall, not really Evan's fault, except that he pushed Zelenka in the first place.

"I'm really sorry, doc."

"No matter," Zelenka said, brushing the thought away like it was an annoying bug. "It was a stupid idea on my part."

"Well, yes," Evan agreed. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Zelenka shrugged and then winced. "I assumed you knew. But then Colonel Sheppard was there, and I was just trying to protect them."

"Are you sure you don't want to be on a gate team?" Evan laughed. "You think on your feet pretty well."

"Nah," Zelenka answered, gingerly rubbing his head. "My instincts are not so good."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Evan finally made it back to his quarters after sitting with Zelenka in the infirmary all evening, Colonel Sheppard was waiting for him, six-pack of Bud in hand.

"Thought it might be my turn."

Evan was exhausted and not really in the mood for company, particularly not that of his CO. He suppressed a sigh. He couldn't afford not to take the olive branch. "Thanks, sir."

Evan palmed his door open and led them in. He didn't have a couch, so that left them the bed or the balcony. He opened the door to his balcony and grinned when Sheppard whistled appreciatively.

"I'm going to have to rethink my quarters again," Sheppard said. Evan laughed. Sheppard had moved once a year since they got to Pegasus, as most of the military contingent did. The walls started to get to you after a while.

"I hear there are some suites in the big tower on the southwest pier," Evan said. Shah and Dr. Sukumar had just moved into a huge three bedroom suite that even had something that resembled a kitchen.

Sheppard popped the top on a can and passed it to Evan. "I don't think that's a good idea," he answered.

Evan nodded and took a drink. Sheppard didn't seem in a hurry to get to his point, so he turned to look out over the city and tried to ignore the feeling of dread that hadn't gone away since that afternoon in the labs.

Sheppard set aside his can and got started on a second beer, holding the remainder of the six-pack up to Evan in question. Evan shrugged and pulled a can off its ring, slamming the rest of his first beer and throwing the can idly into the corner of the balcony.

"Anything you need to ask me, Major?" Sheppard said, and the staged casualness of his body was not in evidence in his voice.

"No, sir."

Colonel Sheppard turned his head and stared, and Evan held his position, looking over the city and drinking his beer. Eventually Sheppard nodded and Evan let out his breath.

Then, just because he could, Evan said, "Anything you need to _tell_ me, sir?" and laughed when Sheppard spit out his beer.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next couple of weeks were riddled with kissing jokes from Sheppard, McKay, and surprisingly, Radek. Evan eventually brought him a couple of bags of the most expensive coffee on base (they cost him three bags of chocolate and his bootleg Quantum of Solace DVD) as an apology, but instead of making it better, it made it much, much worse.

He had stupidly brought the coffee to the lab, instead of giving it to Radek in private. The net result was the sing-song of children's rhymes from the astrophysicists whenever he and Radek ate lunch together, which was becoming a common occurrence.

"I must admit, Major, this is a brilliant diversion tactic."

"Thanks, Radek," Evan said, ripping off a hunk of bread with his teeth. "Glad to know the colonel's career is safe but mine is hanging out there for some bigoted idiot to destroy."

"Ah, but we are not dating, so there can be no proof that you are homosexual." Radek grinned, pointing at Evan with his fork. "Unless you are dating another man and I do not know about it."

Evan rolled his eyes. "No, Radek, I'm not cheating on you."

Radek smiled and passed over his pudding cup. "You say the sweetest things."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Evan had several balconies he used to paint; there were six or seven different views of the city that he enjoyed enough to try and capture at different times of the day. He also brought along his Nikon D300 to capture the image so he could paint in his quarters if the weather was bad.

He'd just found the balcony on the north pier. It had a strange view of some of the inner, smaller structures, not something you'd see except from an inner-facing view on one of the middle towers. He set up his easel and took several shots with his camera as the sun set with some spectacular pinks and purples. He spent most of the day sketching the odd not-quite-geometric beauty of Atlantis, debating whether or not he thought watercolors could do the scene justice. He was halfway through packing it up when he heard familiar voices from across the way - a smallish tower, with hardly a balcony at all.

He wasn't a voyeur by nature, but there was something heartwarming about Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay. He didn't know what made him do it, but he grabbed his camera and snapped off a couple of shots.

He wasn't sorry he did when he caught some unbelievable candids, with Sheppard's unguarded smile and McKay's silly grin. There was one that he thought he might frame for them, a gorgeous shot of Sheppard leaning in to whisper something in McKay’s ear, his profile goofy-looking and yet endearing, the crow’s feet and laugh lines contrasting with McKay’s boyish charm and the slight downturn of his mouth even in happiness.

He ducked down behind his balcony to give them their privacy. He was almost packed up, anyway.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Radek took Evan’s suggestion that they were a distraction for McKay and Sheppard literally, and started touching Evan in public. Simple gestures like grasping Evan’s shoulder and rubbing a thumb along Evan’s neck or resting his fingers lightly on the back of Evan’s hand to get his attention. Evan smiled nervously, telling himself Radek was protecting the two guys who saved their asses on a weekly basis.

It tipped Evan off to a few marines who looked less than happy about it. He had a soulful heart to heart with them and they transferred back to Earth as soon as the ink was dry on the paperwork.

He and Sheppard continued to drink beer together every couple of weeks, and it wasn’t long before Sheppard was teasing him about Radek as much as he was teasing Sheppard about Rodney. It was always funnier after a couple of Budweisers.

Evan spent more time around the labs, especially when he caught Sheppard wandering that way late at night. Evan never understood the appeal of sex in the labs, but he was hardly going to discuss it with Sheppard. Maybe they never did anything in their rooms. He supposed it was possible, though unlikely, that someone could do a life signs sweep and figure it out.

On those nights, Radek would bring out the chess board and Evan would resign himself to losing miserably, even though Radek was a good teacher and Evan eventually learned enough to make him a decent opponent. He offered to teach Radek something as well, thinking hand-to-hand or maybe the gun safety course. He still harbored hopes of getting Radek on a gate team. Radek smiled at him, almost sweetly, and said he'd always wanted to do something artistic. Evan blinked. And then started spending his Thursdays teaching Radek how to draw.

Eventually, Evan knew, something was bound to blow up in his face. He just hadn’t expected it to be McKay.

"Will you please stop making my second in command mope around the labs?" Rodney said as he approached the lunch table. "He’s completely useless – more so than usual."

He sat down and immediately started shoveling food into his mouth. Evan looked around the table. He hadn’t done anything to Radek, so that left Sheppard or Ronon. Sheppard wouldn’t have gotten an earful over lunch, so Ronon. Evan stared at him, waiting for him to explain himself.

"I’m talking to _you_ , Major."

"What?" Evan asked, flabbergasted. "What the hell did I do?"

"You don't know," Rodney answered acerbically, and Evan set his fork down before he shoved it through McKay's hand.

"No, McKay, I had lunch with Radek yesterday and he seemed perfectly fine."

"Yes, that was before you took Dr. Linehan on a date."

Evan looked down at his food, picking his fork back up and poking at it. "You do know that Radek and I are not actually dating."

"Right. Neither are Colonel Sheppard and I."

Evan swiveled in his chair to look at Sheppard at the head of the table. His face was neutral, but set of his body was tense. "Rodney," he said, sounding casual - if you didn't know him too well.

"We're not dating," Evan insisted. "We've never _been_ dating."

"You don't have to play the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' tune at this table," McKay said, and Evan turned to look at Colonel Sheppard again.

"Actually," Sheppard said, and _oh, thank god_ he was going to come to Evan's rescue because he had no idea how to convince McKay, since his own understanding of the whole thing was a little on the shaky side. "We very much need to play that tune. This is not something any of us should be discussing in the mess."

"That's ridiculous and you know it, Sheppard." Rodney was waving his sandwich around, getting more animated by the minute. "If there's a person in this hall that doesn't know we're together, I don't know who it is. And every one of those same people thought Zelenka and Lorne were dating."

Evan put his head in his hands. McKay's voice carried as if it were on some ear-splitting wavelength. If there _was_ somebody in the mess who didn't know McKay and Sheppard were together, they were well aware of it now. "McKay," Sheppard warned.

"Don't tell me you still think there's anyone in Atlantis who would turn you in."

Evan kept his head down. He was thankful to be off the hot seat, but once Rodney got going, it was nearly impossible to derail him. Evan didn't honestly think that anyone in Atlantis would have anything but fond well-wishes for Sheppard and McKay, but he understood Sheppard's reticence in testing that theory.

"McKay," Sheppard warned, and that was his CO voice. Evan didn't hear it often, mostly in the field when things went absolutely crazy and in Sheppard's opening speech to the new personnel as they were beamed down from the Daedalus. Unfortunately McKay didn't have the same automatic reaction as the fresh-faced grunts from the Milky Way.

"No, I will not shut up," Rodney said, and that made Evan's head snap up. He glanced around the mess, and sure enough, the entire cafeteria had stopped talking and was staring at their table. He yanked on Rodney's sleeve to get his attention. Rodney stood up, pulling his sleeve out of Evan's grip, and cleared his throat. He looked around the mess, glancing at every table in turn before leaning across the table and right into Sheppard's face. "When your country gets its head out of its ass, Sheppard, I will marry you right here, in front of god, the Ancients, and everyone."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It happened forty minutes after Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed. There was a citywide announcement as soon as Woolsey got the email, and less than ten minutes later, there was another announcement - that anyone not engaged in the immediate security or survival of the city was invited to the Sheppard-McKay wedding in the mess, starting in half an hour.

Evan jumped up from his desk, ran to his room, showered, and changed into his dress blues in record time. He wasn’t the only one; more than half the military contingent had dressed, and some of the scientists were wearing outfits that Evan couldn’t quite believe anyone would have thought to bring to the Pegasus galaxy. Miko was in a red, backless evening gown and stiletto heels, and while that was surreal, Radek with slicked-back hair in a tuxedo made Evan’s jaw drop.

Someone had the foresight to find a set of speakers and hook up an iPod. Woolsey was the first person to come to mind, since the music playing was soft and classical, but he was at the front of the room, so while it might have been his iPod, he wasn't in control of it. As soon as McKay came into the mess, wearing a surprisingly well-tailored blue suit, whoever was in charge of the iPod started playing _Here Comes the Bride_ , and Evan stifled a laugh as McKay’s gaze swept the room, looking for the source.

"Save that for Sheppard," he griped, and made his way to the hastily arranged stage at the back of the room. Teyla trailed behind him, gorgeous in a lilac dress with her hair swept up. She took up a position next to Rodney on the stage and took his hand in hers.

Mr. Woolsey, also in a tux, stood at the front of the congregation like some ersatz priest, small black book in hand, smiling down beatifically at Rodney. It’d been rumored that Woolsey had been pressuring people back on Earth to get rid of the outdated regs for years, but you couldn’t prove it by his email trail, and Evan knew Rodney had tried. Evan wouldn’t put it past Woolsey to have written honest to god _letters_.

Evan glanced at his watch. Colonel Sheppard was going to be late to his own wedding. Sheppard didn’t seem like the cold-feet type, but he supposed Sheppard didn’t really seem like the marrying type either.

The tables were broken down and shoved off to the side as people continued to wander in. Evan was thankful he had gotten here early – the room was filling up and pretty soon it would be questionable as to whether or not Sheppard himself could squeeze into the packed hall. The aisle Rodney had walked up had dissolved as more and more people crammed into the mess, everyone jockeying for a better view. Evan glanced around to see if he could see Sheppard or Ronon trying to make their way through the crowd.

A ripple went through the crowd, and at the center of it, Evan could see Ronon, head and shoulders above everyone. He hoped for Rodney's sake that he was dragging Colonel Sheppard behind him.

A path cleared, and as Ronon got closer, Evan realized he had not only Sheppard in tow, but Rodney's sister as well. Jeannie had been to Atlantis several times now, but not looking quite so _pregnant_. She was in a beautiful full length green dress, holding her belly with one hand as she walked. Colonel Sheppard was a step behind her, her elbow cupped in his palm.

As they passed by, Sheppard caught his eye. "Major," he said, and Evan grinned.

"Sir."

"Would you stand up with me?" Sheppard asked, and Evan's grin faltered. "Now that Jeannie's here, I seem to be short one attendant."

Evan blinked, sifting through other possible candidates and realizing they were all on stage already. "I'd be honored, sir."

Evan picked his way out from behind a clutch of scientists and followed the conga line to the makeshift altar. He squeezed Radek's shoulder as they passed by, and handed Parrish his extra handkerchief.

When they made it up to the front of the room and Ronon stepped to the side so Rodney could see his sister, Teyla and Rodney's faces held identical expressions of happy bewilderment. Rodney hustled forward to hug his sister, whispering something into her ear that made her hair stir with his breath. When he finally pulled back, his eyes were wet, and he beamed at Sheppard, the two of them sharing some silent communication before stepping onto the stage in front of Woolsey.

"Dear Lanteans," Woolsey began, "we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of two of Atlantis's own."

Evan listened with half his attention Woolsey's flowery opening speech. The other half was busy picking out which of the pair had planned what parts of the wedding. Rodney had picked the music, Rodney probably had picked the remarkably traditional ceremony, Rodney had definitely picked the venue and by doing so, had picked most of the guests.

Sheppard had surprised Rodney with his sister, something Evan had to admit was a stroke of genius, and probably had called for half a dozen favors from people in high places. If O'Neill wasn't involved, Evan would be mighty surprised.

If that had been Sheppard's only contribution to the planning of the festivities, it would have been enough. It wasn't.

When it came time for the exchange of vows, Jeannie tapped Rodney on the shoulder and handed him an oblong black velvet box. Evan glanced up at Sheppard, who was smiling nervously. Evan didn't think he had ever seen that look on Sheppard's face; it was surprisingly charming.

The look of gobsmackedness on Rodney's face, though, that was Evan's favorite expression. It never failed to make him happy to see Rodney knocked off-kilter by something, and for Sheppard's thoughtfulness to have done it twice in the space of half an hour, that was icing on the cake.

Woolsey cleared his throat and Sheppard took the box from Rodney, pulling the bright silver rings out of it and handing one to Ronon and the other to Rodney.

Rodney swallowed loudly, rolling the ring between his first finger and thumb before taking Sheppard's left hand and slipping the ring on his finger. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and plowed into vows he had clearly written himself.

"John, I promise to try and keep you from risking your neck by using my innumerable talents and by being my genius self." Evan rolled his eyes, knowing Sheppard probably wished he could do the same.

"I promise not to get in your way when you do something you think is brave and I think is suicidally stupid, unless I can keep you from doing said stupid thing by my aforementioned brilliance." There were several chuckles from the crowd, and if Evan didn't know Sheppard's suicidal leadership style intimately, he might have been inclined to chuckle too.

"I promise to spring you from the infirmary after your brave-slash-suicidally stupid antics." Keller harrumphed loudly on that one.

"I promise to be there at the end of every day you haven't been killed or taken prisoner or some other ridiculously idiotic Pegasus-thing happens to keep you away." Rodney had Sheppard's hand between both of his, and Evan could hear sniffles from some of the people in the front of the crowd; Parrish was dabbing his eyes with Evan's handkerchief.

"And I promise to come find you whenever some ridiculously idiotic Pegasus-thing _does_ keep you away, no matter what it is."

The sniffling continued, and Evan glanced at Parrish fondly, who looked like all-out tears might be in his near future. The thing that made Evan smile, though, was the way Sheppard's shoulders dropped, like his discomfort with the whole spectacle didn't matter anymore because Rodney had his back.

Rodney released Sheppard's hand and Sheppard twisted around to take Rodney’s ring from Ronon, smirking.

"Rodney," John said, taking Rodney's hand and putting the ring on slowly, "I promise to make it last."

Rodney blushed bright red and glared at Sheppard. He had said it in a low voice; Evan was pretty sure no one outside the people on the stage had heard him.

Woolsey, looking a little pink himself, stepped forward and put his hands on both of theirs, and said to both of them, "And you may now kiss the bride."

Sheppard laughed and Rodney blushed some more, but put his hand on Sheppard's neck and pulled them together. A short, chaste kiss, but one that made the entire mess hall cheer.

The audience clapped and hooted and hollered, and Woolsey tugged Sheppard and McKay around until they were facing forward, and said, "I now present Dr. and Colonel McKay-Sheppard."

There was a deafening uproar, and Teyla stepped forward to hug Rodney, while Ronon grabbed Sheppard in a bone-crushing embrace. Sheppard made a little 'oof' noise and doubled over, catching Evan's eye. "Help me!"

Evan laughed and took a step back. The last thing he wanted to do was to go crashing off the stage because Ronon thought he might try something. He watched Jeannie step up and kiss her brother, saying something that made Rodney duck his head in embarrassment.

When the couple finally got back to center stage, more or less in one piece, Rodney raised a hand to call for silence. It was a surprisingly effective move and Evan briefly wondered if his staff usually showed him that sort of deference; he was used to Radek, who treated Rodney more like a partner than a boss.

"We don't have anything special for dinner," Rodney said, "but since it's pretty much ready to be served, we can just pretend we planned something. If you hang around afterward, I'm told Simpson wants to play DJ, and Halling has promised us several barrels of ruus wine, so there'll be drinking and dancing." There was a murmur from the crowd, and Rodney held up his hand again. "We need everyone to clear out of the mess first, so we can get the tables set up again."

The dinner was like any other they had shared in the mess, with the exception of the dress clothes. Rodney ate from his plate _and_ Sheppard's, Ronon ate off of anyone within reach except Teyla, who was wicked fast with her fork, and Jeannie, who was either a fast learner, or had a lifetime of practice with Rodney.

Ronon stood after about ten minutes, having done his best impression of a vacuum cleaner. He cleared both his tray and Teyla's, and Evan distracted Sheppard and McKay as they left the mess, taking a good fifteen or twenty people with them.

Evan knew they had been scouting new quarters for the couple, and he could only assume they had found something and were planning to move them in before they could make their escape from the wedding.

When the clinking of silverware against the trays started, Evan thought Rodney might have a heart attack during the rant about outdated wedding customs. Then Sheppard leaned over and kissed him on the corner of the mouth and a cheer went up. Rodney crossed his arms, somehow managing to look both pissy and pleased.

Rodney gave in on the next one, half-tackling Sheppard, and the third time, they stood up, hoping that would be the end of people's strange fetish for watching them kiss. Evan didn't think so, as there was a clutch of scientists - botanists, probably, since Parrish was with them - giggling like they had gotten a head start on the ruus wine.

The next time the clanking started, Rodney pointed at his sister and said, "You. Kiss Lorne. We're done for the day." Jeannie stood, holding a hand out to Evan, and Evan felt like something of a heel for not being quicker on his feet. He took her hand and stood, leaning in stiffly to place a kiss on her cheek. She smelled nice, like honeysuckle, and he smiled at her when they finished, to a chorus of wolf whistles.

They went right down the table then, Dr. Keller kissing Radek, which made her blush a pretty pink and made Radek push up his glasses nervously several times. Then Halling kissed Woolsey, and that made for some pretty raucous laughter that even Woolsey joined in. Halling looked slightly confused but smiled politely anyway. That was the last kiss, as Mr. Woolsey stood and asked people to return their trays so they could clear out some space for a dance floor.

Evan organized the table moving and Radek took care of setting up something of a bar for the ruus wine and several bottles of other spirits people had brought to share, as well as a table for the presents, since there were a number of them piling up on one of the balconies off the mess.

Simpson set up her jury-rigged speaker system and someone produced the microphone from the karaoke machine so Simpson could announce things like the newlyweds' first dance.

The happy couple was shoved onto the dance floor by Teyla and Ronon, who had returned shortly before the dancing began. Then the real arguing began over who was going to lead, until Jeannie smacked them both upside the head and put Sheppard's hands on Rodney's hips and Rodney's hands on Sheppard's shoulders. They swayed through some classical piece Evan didn’t know until Simpson announced other couples could join them. Shah and Dr. Sukumar stepped out immediately, as well as Dr. Keller and Mr. Woolsey and Halling and Ronon.

Miko asked Teyla to dance, and most eyes were on them after that, as they gracefully swept around the dance floor. Simpson put on another slow song, something smooth and lilting, and the couples changed up, Mr. Woolsey pairing with Miko for a dance that would have looked at home on a competition floor.

Teyla pulled Rodney away from Sheppard, and he went reluctantly, until Ronon tapped Sheppard on the shoulder. Jeannie asked Evan to dance, which he didn't think was a terribly good idea as he was an awful dancer and she was at least eight months pregnant. Like her brother, she refused to take no for an answer and dragged him onto the dance floor, where he had no trouble at all keeping his distance.

Evan danced with Teyla, Ronon, Halling, Keller, and Rodney (he drew the line at Colonel Sheppard, though, which was apparently where Sheppard drew the line too). He watched Radek dance with Parrish, Miko, Dr. Keller, Jeannie, and Sheppard, letting even the women lead, except Miko, who was the only one shorter than him. Evan watched, and watched, and while he accepted anyone who asked him to dance, he didn't invite anyone.

Evan didn't drink; he and Radek had agreed that they would stay sober and that unless Armageddon struck, they would handle anything that came up. He wished he could have had a cup of the ruus wine, because working up his nerve was harder than he thought.

Evan made up his mind just as Simpson put on something too upbeat for him to dance to, so he changed his trajectory and went to join Rodney and Sheppard, where they were picking through the pile of presents.

Evan wasn't surprised to see the gift table nearly overflowing; he had planned and executed his gift as soon as Rodney had outed them to the mess and he figured there were plenty of others who had done the same.

"What could people have possibly gotten us on such short notice?" Rodney asked. "MREs? Guns? Bits of Ancient machinery we haven't figured out how to use yet?"

"You can open mine, if you want," Evan said, making Rodney jump.

"You military types are all the same, sneaking up on people unannounced." Evan pulled his present out from underneath a small pile of gifts and flashed it in Rodney's face. "Oh, all right," Rodney said, grabbing it out of Evan's hands greedily.

Sheppard leaned in to look over Rodney's shoulder, and the appreciative gasp as Rodney ripped the paper off was the best response Evan could have ever gotten.

"Wow," Rodney said, running a finger down the frame of the picture. "Wow."

"When the hell did you snap that?" Sheppard asked, taking the picture out of Rodney's hands and examining it closer. "That's the tower on the north pier."

"I was painting across the way, sir," Evan said, looking down at the picture. "I just snapped a couple candids before leaving. Thought you might like that one."

"Thank you," Sheppard said, slinging an arm around Rodney's shoulders. "It's a great shot."

"Yes," Rodney said, and he looked a little pink. "Yes, thanks. It's um... you've got a good eye."

Evan shrugged, the closest he'd ever get to saying 'you're welcome,' and the music turned back to slow dancing once again. "I have to..." Evan said, waving vaguely over his shoulder. Sheppard grinned and Evan nodded, catching Rodney's eye for just a second before turning tail to find Radek.

He was dancing with Chuck, the two of them nearly tripping over each other. Evan stepped up and tapped Chuck's shoulder. "I'd like to cut in, if I may," he said, and Chuck released Radek like he was made of that prickly turquoise fruit that everyone from Earth turned out to be allergic to.

"Thanks, Major," Chuck said, taking off for the crowd at the edge of the dance floor.

Evan raised his arms into a ballroom frame, and Radek stared at him for a long moment. Evan's pulse thumped in his ears, but he stood his ground, kept his arms up like he had no doubt Radek would accept.

"You can lead the next one," Evan said, and Radek smiled a little and stepped in. It was all horribly formal, but Evan led them not-too-gracelessly around the dance floor, and Radek followed expertly.

When they stopped for drinks, he caught a glimpse of Sheppard and McKay slipping out of the mess, and tipped his chin up to point it out to Radek. "Sneaking out of their own wedding." Radek laughed, and Evan smiled at the happy couple. They’d be in for a surprise when they got to their quarters.

Evan finished his bottle of water in one long swallow. He wiped his mouth and turned around, catching Radek watching him carefully.

"Dance?" Radek asked, holding out his hand. The music had shifted back to slow; no one stayed on the dance floor when Simpson tried to speed things up.

"Sure," Evan said, fumbling over his own feet while trying to dance backwards, Radek's hands the only things holding him steady.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _Preferably John/Rodney. Perhaps from another character's POV? Lorne, perhaps? Episode codas are_ fabulous, _my absolute favorite._  
>  This started with the very second I read the prompt. McShep through Lorne's eyes? Easy! Let me just see what episodes Lorne has been in... and _The Last Man_ was simply too good to resist. Awesome beta by [](http://shaenie.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](http://shaenie.dreamwidth.org/)**shaenie** (thank you for finding my issues and stomping on them all while giving me exceptional advice and ideas). All remaining mistakes mine.


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